February 9, 2018/Press Release

2018 Winter Olympics Predictions: Will Josh Hawley Take Home Gold?

COLUMBIA, Mo. — Today marks the official start of the 2018 Winter Olympics. Josh Hawley has been one of the most closely watched contenders, but after a rocky few weeks some are starting to question whether he can still win gold.

Here’s a closer look at how Hawley is expected to perform: 

Slalom: One of the best contortionists in Missouri politics, Hawley will have to nail all the zig-zags in his slalom run as he attempts to dodge reports that he’s been slacking on his day job.

Speed Skating: Hawley did a lighting-fast about-face earlier this week when he bolted down to Florida in the middle of the workweek for some closed-door fundraising, immediately after saying he was focused on his job as AG.

Figure Skating: This event could be tough for Hawley, who has been skating on thin ice as Republicans express concern over his candidacy amid embarrassingly low fundraising and ill-informed comments he made about sex trafficking.

Ski Jumping: Even if he wins the gold in this event, Hawley will be subject to accusations of using the political ladder to get ahead.